Candice Curtis & Crohns Disease: Turning my day around continued........ and wow what a rollercosta!

Wednesday, 11 April 2007

Turning my day around continued........ and wow what a rollercosta!

Hi All, Have I got news for you! Well after writing yesterday's post I had a little sleep before giving the horses lunch at 1.30. This was the first deep sleep I'd fallen into for at least the last few months! Waking up at 1.25, I woke up to having full blown Crohns Flu. This is a terminology I have given this is not a medical terminology! Anyway, pouring with sweat and every bit of my body aching like when you have the worst flu ever! Shaking, hardly able to walk and absolutely freezing. I slowly got up and obviously went to the loo a few times, agony when sitting down, agony when physically going to the loo, the fistulas and inflammation are screamingly unbearable at the moment. Anyway I crawl up to the yard where all the horses are in as it is raining (plus even if it wasn't raining I wouldn't have been able to turn them out this morning anyway, Monday nights and Tuesday's I'm on the yard as my groom has Tuesday's off) Anyway I fed the horses and then came back down to the house, violently shaking and aching. The good thing at that moment in the day after I awoke with the Crohns Flu and did the horses. I was in a good mind set, thinking positively and knowing that the Crohns Flu onset was only down to my ego reacting to me gently pushing out of my comfort zone over the last few days - with the riding and the gym. All day I made sure that I knew that this onset was just my brat ego having a tantrum. I did however start to loose a little faith later on in the day. I knew I needed to sleep, to let the Crohns Flu pass but needless to say my active brain wouldn't allow me to sleep and I rolled around in agony, violently shaking and aching so much that I couldn't lye in a comfortable way at all. With a painful head ache as well and many pathetic loo trips! Pathetic loo trips being the ones that make you run to the loo and scream in agony only to have the smallest an amount of liquid stool to show for it. These are pathetic loo trips and not what I want or will endure. I demand proper stools when I go and that is my aim and I do try to hold what I think to be pathetic loo trips and see if I can make them pass and be forgotten until the next trip - thus making it worth while! Anyway...... Finally I managed a light sleep and upon waking I felt like I had sweated out my entire bodies water level! My bed was like a swimming pool! My hair looked like I'd just come out of the shower! But my head ache and body aches had minimalised! So, I was right, this Crohns Flu was just my BRAT EGO! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! I went to have a bath and I also had some fresh vegetable soup which my lovely daddy had made for me along with a cup of warm water and baking soda with lemon and honey. I'm supposed to have 1 level tea spoon of baking powder in warm water to drink and not to take as a shot like I did the first day! 3 times per day! Needless to say I'm not up to that amount yet. It's so disgusting! Anyway I did have 3/4 of the cup yesterday and 1/2 the bowl of soup with 1/2 a rice cracker. I also had a whole rice cracker with some soft goats cheese on top a few hours later. I also had a 2 more strawberry's through out the night. I feel that the baking soda is already working along with the strict diet and my mental attitude! Last night I was up at 01:00 and 06:00 to go to the loo and the pain of actually going is reducing. I do cover my anus with Aloe Vera gel every time I come back from the loo and when ever I get a second through out the day and night. All through every day I also cut up the fresh lemons, squeezing them in to a glass and adding slices and then I just top up with bottled water when ever the glass empties. This has helped me drink alot more than normal, i'm getting through anywhere between 1 and 2 bottles of 1.5 litres of water a day. Yesterady I also had a large carton of apple juice, I love apple juice but I found that after that much I was feeling sick so I had some more water and that sorted out the sugar levels. So what I have learned is this, apple juice is a good form of alkaline but not as good as the water with lemon juice so mix them with the higher proportion towards the water and lemon. The baking soda is disgusting but I feel it can't help but work - it makes your digestive tract have a higher alkaline level which is what Crohnees need to get better. Food - I'm just eating what I can when I want to although nothing naughty. Exercise - making yourself get up and do exercise create energy and once you create energy things FLOW to you better. Remember your mind is a very powerful thing and exercising - creating energy whilst you are saying what you want and visualising where you'll be, makes all the difference. This test alone, I feel privileged to have been witnessing first hand. The fact that I took myself out of my comfort zone (made my self go to the gym and ride the day before) and then was so severely ill the day after AND in the same day healing and proving to my self that the illness extreme was just my EGO getting up set and wanting to demonstrate this to me. I know this to be true as when I woke today I feel 1000 times better and although still feverish I have lost the intense aching and head ache and feel like I will be off to the gym again today! Again for just a light work out, I'm not trying to over do things, I'm just trying to take my self out of my comfort zone - My Crohns comfort zone is to continue having crohns for the rest of my life and to do what the Crohns disease tells me. Remember I have taken this as a huge blessing, a huge honour that I have been put into the position to finally once and for all do something about my Crohns. I will cure this flair up and then I will cure my self of Crohns. I will have harmonic wealth and I will then set up the Candice Curtis Crohns Charity where I can help all of you! I don't know about you but I am very excited to be here, here and now and be in this position. Don't worry if you doubt things I did yesterday. When in the midst of the Crohns Flu before I could get back to sleep I was crying and wondering if I was being stupid. Maybe I had pushed things too far, maybe because the first time round I pushed and pushed and had only 2 days until death until I had the operation that saved me. I suddenly wondered to myself if that was what was happening again? This fear and doubt was short lived. I called my mother to arrange an appointment with a Healing energy aligning doctor which I am seeing today at 19:00! So I will let you know how that goes when I get back! Anyway the freaking out stage was just there as another test and luckily I fell asleep and awoke feeling better, in my new swimming pool - my bed! LOL So I'm very happy that I have woken up feeling 1000 times better than yesterday. I mean yesterday I was really really ill and all due to my brat ego! So take note everyone! Right now I'm feeling kinda hungry and still feverish so I'm off to have a bath and some breakfast! I'll let you know how today goes and what I eat!

1 comment:

Tracey Dooley said...: Hi Candice

Sorry to hear your suffering (the baking soda as a drink alone sounds like purgatory!), but glad to also read your road to recovery...

Anyway, just wanted to say thanks for posting. I was 'attacked' by something fairly similar (nice night sweats to fill a couple of huge buckets, fluey achey body, bad digestion, etc) last Jan. It's called 'Graves' (nearly died just hearing the name of it alone!) which has also triggered IBS and thyroidtoxicosis. Graves and Crohns are autoimmune I believe.

Anyway, I ignored the medical sages and dediced that I could heal (they reckon Graves is incurable), refused their icky medication and embarked on a 'healing journey'. Sadly, my body didn't agree. The thyroidtoxicosis was slowly poisoning my poor bod, and I felt soooo bad that I couldn't really function. when the docs told me that my organs were starting to shut down, i knew i had to swallow their bitter pill. Literally.

Today, I am feeling a lot better. I still want to cure myself. And as naturally as possible.

I know that getting back into horses (used to be an equestrian manageress and AI) is definitely one way. can't believe i left the land of the great horse. was looking for my own, when I fell off an unknown (entirely my fault, i act like a 12-year-old most of the time!) and broke my back!!!!!!

And you're right: having a positive mindset is definitely the way to go.

BTW, I first heard of you via BBC's 'Living in the Sun' - i had to connect as I felt you were living my life. ;-)

Glad to see you've got the finca all set up, and the horses are well.

Better go and do some work. ;-(

xTracey
www.marketingmoment.wordpress.com; 14 May 2007 at 17:17

From diagnosis to now.

This needs to be updated as it was written at the time the blog was started....
My crohns diagnosis - 14 years ago I suffered over 1.5 years with increasing stomach cramps far worse than the worst of a normal person, then the 2nd 6 months, I spent most days and nights in pure agony and was sick all the time. Gradually I was being sick 20 times a night with the last 10 - 15 times being just bile. The weirdest thing was that when I was being sick i didn't have any pain! So I almost looked forward to being sick just to alleviate the pain! During this time (and for a good few years afterwards) I was taking a huge amount of strong painkillers, I was living on them. The next 6 months preceded with less sickness but with pain that was much more server than the initial year. During this time (1.5 yrs) I saw my family GP and a few others and they all said you have irritable bowl syndrome and take some peppermint oil or other similar stupid comments. No-one doing any tests, most not even touching my stomach to investigate! Finally after I had been screaming in bed for 2 weeks my dad called the doctor to come out, however they refused and told me to come in, again to my GP. He sent me to see a specialist as he thought it was my appendix - that it was going to burst (This comment had been a bit of a floater in comments from doctors that it could be my appendix at various times but the pain would be moving or doing something uncharacteristic to appendicitis). He decided I would need an operation immediately and the surgeon saw me. He said to me that it wasn't the appendix, that it was something else and it had to be operated on immediately. They removed lots of my intestine's both large and small as they were swollen to the size of very large oranges. After the op' they told me I had Crohns Disease and that there was no known cause of it, it is not infectious and that it is not curable! They said that the symptoms shouldn't return for at least 2 years as no other patient has had it return in that period if they have had an op'. They also said that if I didn't have the op' I would have been dead in 2 days! So I was saved and given a life of no hope. This was when I was diagnosed, they missed all the for ground work and made me get to the point of having to 'need' an operation and then they tell me there is no hope and I'm to lead a life of pain and suffering! Nice eh! I mean morphine didn't even really help me with the pain when I was in the hospital after the op', recovering. This op' happened when I was 18, luckily in one sense for me I've always had a gift to look healthy, no one could see that i was dying then and in the years that followed. So, back to the story..... unfortunately for me my symptoms came back after only 2 months, with vengeance! Hardly enough time to even recover let alone start fighting again. So they stuck me on strong steroids (prednisone, azathiropine, Budesinide to name but not correctly spell, but a few!). Over the next few years I was given more and more drugs that were killing off other parts of my body - my bone marrow for one. I was so skinny and worse... frail, I felt that if some one where to hit my arm it would snap. Not a nice feeling since i've always been a strong little cookie! Anyway over the years things did slowly get worse although at the time there where intervals that made me feel as if things were in remission for a while. I got to a point about 6/7 years ago when I felt I wanted to know how I would be without these killer drugs that I "could never come off." (I had been told that some of these drugs where for life and that I could never come off them) So I tried without, I took a year to ween myself off the various drugs and I tried from then on without any drugs. It was the same time that my grandfather noticed that most pain killers say 'not for crohns patients' within their paper work. So I stopped all drugs and I survived ok, although I was in fact still walking down the path to my inevitable demise. During the time of the op' I had already started experimenting with drugs, the occasional spliff etc.. At some point during the time of still taking the painkillers I noticed that the spliff had more effect than any amount of painkiller. So from that moment in time I continued to use spliffs more and more to help control the pain I was in every minute of every day. Over the years that followed I wasn't conscious about the amount of pain I was in as I'd been living with it and fighting and trying to move forwards with it for so long that it was a part of me. However my life had moved up in speed over the years, racing as best as I could against time. I had suffered for the first 3 years after the op' with the fear and worry and depression that I was living on borrowed time and at any moment it might get snapped away from me. As a young girl this was tough but as usual I accepted things and carried on the best I could. Thinking that this wouldn't have been given to me and I wouldn't have been saved if I couldn't cope. So cope I did. The April flair up wasn't really a.... flair up like I mentioned at the time. It was the end of the road. From the end of 2006 I had started to slow down as I felt the end was near. However my slowing down was only stopping the physical aspect of my life - riding and the such (basically over the last 12 years I have been made to stop riding, through the pain becoming too immense, many times and for long periods as well.) The speed at which I was living at, thinking at and functioning at was, looking back at it, like a super hero speed! So I (in case you hadn't realized I'm not a hypochondriac and I will never let it be known how much i'm suffering - it's just the way i am.) Anyway so I went on holiday jan 07, to try to get a little bit more time on my side - e.g resting on holiday is supposed to refresh you and I hoped it would give me more time as I could feel that it was running out. So by the time I realized that I wasn't going to be able to cure this episode by just resting. I decided to start the blog as I thought if I can get out of this one then it's worth documenting. However I only got to write those few days in april and then I had to stop. Doctors orders! The rest of this year has been been very intense. By the time I actually went to see the doc' (I'd had his number for over a year and had not gone to see him - When I took myself off my drugs I wanted to know what life would be like without them but I had great intentions to try out natural therapies, Chinese, herbs etc.... however this never happened as I was 'coping'. So I had to get to a point where I was 'laughing in the face of death' (by this I mean that I was still in such high spirits and I could feel death was knocking at my door but I was still able to laugh and say " finally i'm at a place where I now can heal myself" and I was finally ready to seek out help, ready both mentally and physically.) As I said this year has been very intense, I can truly say there are a hell of a lot more pain thresholds than i knew existed and to be able to 'feel' your body healing itself, taking you back through the damage in reverse is truly enlightening and painful! It is only now through the healing process that I have understood where i've been, on the road to and from death. In comparison to many other crohns suffers over the years I have always had a more server version - typical, can't do things by half's miss extremist!

However where i'm at at the moment - the doctor cured the energy blockage that was caused by the initial trauma that caused crohns which means the cause of the crohns is gone and now all i have to do is allow the body to heal. This happened a few months ago and I'm doing well, i'm still not well but i will be soon, i'm about 85 - 90% there but this last bit is holding on to make sure than I come back into life, after this healing and maintain the slower paced life and all the things I have learnt. Otherwise i probably would try to over do it again as thats all I've known since i was diagnosed with crohns and before - upbringing. So there has been and still is a lot of re programming of my brain, my way of life has had to completely change and sometimes i still resort back to the old me which i have to notice and then change before i get a reaction from my body! It's all very interesting, how intelligent our bodies are. I will be filling in the experiences of my healing from April to now, within the blog postings over the next few months, as I'm still resting.